Sorry It has been a while since I have written and partly because my life has become so busy.
Lately, I have been giving myself a
hard time about after 9 yrs of surviving cancer, I still get emotional talking
about what my children and I went through as a result of an unforeseen cancer
diagnosis. I feel like "OMG...get over it already, who wants to keep
hearing and seeing you cry over something that happened almost a decade
ago"?
Earlier this week, I was privileged to be on the Steve Harvey show
and talk about my experience as a colon cancer survivor along with Kelly who is
an amazing stage IV colon cancer survivor. We were given a series
of questions that we would be asked and the answers were provided to each
question based upon our individual story. The show’s producer went over
the questions with Kelly and I and we did well but, I knew the one question about
how it affected my life would most certainly make me emotional so I asked to
skip it and we did. The show started, we were on stage, the audience is looking and
the cameras start rolling and even with my nerves getting the better of me, I
was prepared to encourage the world to get a colonoscopy…so I thought. Steve asked Kelly about her journey and cracked a couple jokes in
between and it made me feel comfortable and I thought to myself "I will
be OK. Then he started talking to me and to be honest, I don't know
what I said...LOL. I do remember he
asked the question I was hoping to avoid and there came the water works and the
picture of my children then and now. I tried explaining through the tears
the trauma we experienced and tried to sound intelligent but, I have
no recollection of what I said. It was over in almost an
instant, he said thank you and the producers whisked us off stage and back to
our dressing rooms to go home...I felt defeated, I felt like I had let all of
my friends and family down. Over the weekend, I had a chance to reflect about my experience
and why I can't seem to stop the tears from flowing when I tell my story.
In my sleep, I heard God say to me "Your tears are not of pain
anymore, they are tears of joy because you are still here"! "I
keep the memories fresh to remind you of your journey, to keep you
honest when you tell your story because it is no longer about you but, about
the lives you will save with your tears and your story, don't worry about what
people have to say about your tears, one day, they will have a
story". So, for those of you that may be like me, let your tears flow and don't
be apologetic for your memories being fresh no matter where you are
in your journey. In the words of Jasmine Greenamyer of
(Colon Cancer Alliance) to me "Don't be so hard on yourself. As hard
as it was for you, you will have helped a bazillion other people".
