Don't apologize for your memories being fresh

Sorry It has been a while since I have written and partly because my life has become so busy.  


Lately, I have been giving myself a hard time about after 9 yrs of surviving cancer, I still get emotional talking about what my children and I went through as a result of an unforeseen cancer diagnosis.  I feel like "OMG...get over it already, who wants to keep hearing and seeing you cry over something that happened almost a decade ago"? Earlier this week, I was privileged to be on the Steve Harvey show and talk about my experience as a colon cancer survivor along with Kelly who is an amazing stage IV colon cancer survivor.   We were given a series of questions that we would be asked and the answers were provided to each question based upon our individual story.  The show’s producer went over the questions with Kelly and I and we did well but, I knew the one question about how it affected my life would most certainly make me emotional so I asked to skip it and we did.  The show started, we were on stage, the audience is looking and the cameras start rolling and even with my nerves getting the better of me, I was prepared to encourage the world to get a colonoscopy…so I thought. Steve asked Kelly about her journey and cracked a couple jokes in between and it made me feel comfortable and I thought to myself "I will be OK.  Then he started talking to me and to be honest, I don't know what I said...LOL.  I do remember he asked the question I was hoping to avoid and there came the water works and the picture of my children then and now.   I tried explaining through the tears the trauma we experienced and tried to sound intelligent but, I have no recollection of what I said.  It was over in almost an instant, he said thank you and the producers whisked us off stage and back to our dressing rooms to go home...I felt defeated, I felt like I had let all of my friends and family down.   Over the weekend, I had a chance to reflect about my experience and why I can't seem to stop the tears from flowing when I tell my story.  In my sleep, I heard God say to me "Your tears are not of pain anymore, they are tears of joy because you are still here"!  "I keep the memories fresh to remind you of your journey, to keep you honest when you tell your story because it is no longer about you but, about the lives you will save with your tears and your story, don't worry about what people have to say about your tears, one day, they will have a story".  So, for those of you that may be like me, let your tears flow and don't be apologetic for your memories being fresh no matter where you are in your journey.   In the words of Jasmine Greenamyer of (Colon Cancer Alliance) to me "Don't be so hard on yourself.  As hard as it was for you, you will have helped a bazillion other people".